Sometimes, I know it's coming. Anger, upset, worthlessness, sorrow, all those wonderful things. My main warning sign is distraction. I'll do anything to try and not notice the tight little bubble building inside my stomach. I'll watch TV, I'll listen to Podcasts, I'll read books, I'll go shopping when I don't need anything, I'll game for hours on end. Anything to block out that little overwhelmed voice. All the while in the background, the little bubble starts to grow. Usually, the shitty feelings spill out eventually. After I've pretended they're not there for a week or so, I find it harder and harder to deny my feelings to myself. It's even worse with people that I'm close to. I might start to be grouchy or snap at them unnecessarily. And then, something will 'break the camel's back', usually something small, and I'll feel tension all over my body. My shoulders will start to ache, and I'll feel a mix of anger, nihilism, and sadness. This all sounds awful, and I've been told by others that I'm horrible to be around when I'm like this. But this doesn't mean that you're wrong |
AuthorMy name's Julia, send me an email at [email protected] Archives
April 2017
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